my motto for 2008 is:
BE TRUE TO YOURSELF
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Heartbroken...today
Today I'm thinking of all of those who have ever had a broken heart
Today I'm thinking of those who given themselves completely to another person, offering pure and unconditional love, only to have it thrown back at them
Today I'm thinking of those who have cried themselves to sleep at night only to discover more tears awaiting them in the morning
Today I'm thinking of those who believed, trusted and gave themselves freely, only to be used and deceived
Today I'm thinking of those who have gone day after day with knots in their stomachs
Today I'm thinking of those who have burst into tears, wondering if they were second choice
Today I'm thinking of those who think that they will never love, never trust or never feel again
Today I'm thinking of those who given themselves completely to another person, offering pure and unconditional love, only to have it thrown back at them
Today I'm thinking of those who have cried themselves to sleep at night only to discover more tears awaiting them in the morning
Today I'm thinking of those who believed, trusted and gave themselves freely, only to be used and deceived
Today I'm thinking of those who have gone day after day with knots in their stomachs
Today I'm thinking of those who have burst into tears, wondering if they were second choice
Today I'm thinking of those who think that they will never love, never trust or never feel again
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
List of things to do before I turn 30
1. Belly dancing classes: The benefits of belly dance are both mental and physical. Dancing provides a good cardio-vascular workout and helps increase both flexibility and strength, focusing on the torso or "core muscles", although it also builds leg strength. Many belly dance styles emphasize muscular "isolations", teaching the ability to move various muscles or muscle groups independently. Veil work can also build arm, shoulder, and general upper-body strength, and playing the zils can build strength and independence of the fingers. Belly dance is suitable for all ages and body types, and can be as physical as the participant chooses.
2. Take a Road Trip SOLO: Those who look upon road trips not as a method of travel but rather a hobby frequently describe themselves as Road Enthusiasts or Professional Road Trippers. These motorists take the concept of road trips very seriously, some have devoted time and resources to the pursuit of the hobby. Although there are many personalities in the Road Tripping Community, many road enthusiasts advocate sharing the roadways, preservation of historic places and natural spaces, and safe driving. Much like backpacking many road enthusiasts also subscribe to the ideas of Leave No Trace. The goal of road trip enthusiasts is to experience the culture, nature and history of the route, and to celebrate the open road.
3. Start taking pilates or yoga: PILATES: According to practitioners, the central element of Pilates is to create a fusion of mind and body, so that without thinking about it the body will move with economy, grace, and balance; using one's body to the greatest advantage, making the most of its strengths, counteracting its weaknesses, and correcting its imbalances. The goal is to produce an attention-free union of mind and body, the method requires that one constantly pays attention to one's body while doing the movements. Paying attention to movement is so vital that it is more important than any other single aspect of the movements or the method. YOGA: There are numerous opinions on what the goal of Yoga may be, although generally they involve some kind of union, either of a personal or a non-personal nature.
2. Take a Road Trip SOLO: Those who look upon road trips not as a method of travel but rather a hobby frequently describe themselves as Road Enthusiasts or Professional Road Trippers. These motorists take the concept of road trips very seriously, some have devoted time and resources to the pursuit of the hobby. Although there are many personalities in the Road Tripping Community, many road enthusiasts advocate sharing the roadways, preservation of historic places and natural spaces, and safe driving. Much like backpacking many road enthusiasts also subscribe to the ideas of Leave No Trace. The goal of road trip enthusiasts is to experience the culture, nature and history of the route, and to celebrate the open road.
3. Start taking pilates or yoga: PILATES: According to practitioners, the central element of Pilates is to create a fusion of mind and body, so that without thinking about it the body will move with economy, grace, and balance; using one's body to the greatest advantage, making the most of its strengths, counteracting its weaknesses, and correcting its imbalances. The goal is to produce an attention-free union of mind and body, the method requires that one constantly pays attention to one's body while doing the movements. Paying attention to movement is so vital that it is more important than any other single aspect of the movements or the method. YOGA: There are numerous opinions on what the goal of Yoga may be, although generally they involve some kind of union, either of a personal or a non-personal nature.
4. Get Married: People marry for many reasons, but usually one or more of the following: legal, social and economic stability; the formation of a family unit; procreation and the education and nurturing of children; legitimizing sexual relations; public declaration of love; or to obtain citizenship. I want to marry my best friend!
5. Pay off debts: Money is a big source of stress in life...
6. Finally learn to speak a 3rd language. Possibly Xhosa, isiXhosa is one of the official languages of South Africa. The language has also variously been known as "Xosa," Xhosa is spoken by approximately 7.9 million people, or about 18% of the South African population. Like most Bantu languages, Xhosa is a tonal language, that is, the same sequence of consonants and vowels can have different meanings when said with a rising or falling or high or low intonation. One of the most distinctive features of the language is the prominence of click consonants; "Xhosa," the name of the language itself, begins with a click.
7. Go Hot air ballooning: Hot Air ballooning is the activity of flying hot air balloons. Attractive aspects of ballooning include the exceptional quiet (except when the propane burners are firing), the lack of a feeling of movement, and the bird's-eye view. Since the balloon moves with the wind, the passengers feel absolutely no wind, except for brief periods during the flight when the balloon climbs or descends into air currents of different direction or speed.
8. Kiss in the rain: The next time it rains, I'll grab an umbrella, rain coats, and my love. I'll then go outside and kiss in the rain. If the spirit of the kiss moves me, I'll remove the umbrella and kiss 'till the two of us are soaked.
9. Carve my initials with someone else's into a tree: There are few things as intriguing as seeing a century old message in a tree. It makes you wonder about the kind of person that left that message. They usually simply leave their initials and a year. The rest is up to your imagination. Now I hope that in 2100 somone will look unto an aged beech tree,see my initials, and wonder what magnificent life I lived a hundred years earlier.
10. Get Lasik laser eye surgery: LASIK is a type of refractive laser eye surgery. The procedure is generally preferred because it requires less time for the patient's recovery, and the patient feels less pain, overall; however, there are instances where PRK/ASA is medically indicated as a better alternative to LASIK. Many patients choose LASIK as an alternative to wearing corrective eyeglasses or contact lenses.
11. Get something I created published: Started writing a little bit again. I don’t know where this inspiration is coming from. It’s nice to read over something nice you’ve writen. Nice.
12. Learn how to cook: I can do microwave dinners excellent. However, for a 26 year old I'm pathetic when it comes to Sunday cooked lunches... Yet for all the sound reasons to learn, the excuses and imagined pitfalls of cooking come fraught with anxiety. What if it burns? What if the courses aren't timed right? I'm positive I'm not a "natural" at cooking. Knives are big and dangerous. I hate chopping onions. I prefer life when it has no dirty dishes.
13. Own a business: Still not sure what business but I'll think of something...
14. Learn to make sushi: I want to learn how to make sushi with a Japanese chef!
15. Lose the weight - KG's: I want the perfect BMI and weigh less than 65kg (75kg at the moment!) I can then appear regularly at the beach in a bikini... feeling no shame
16. Quit smoking: quit, quit, quit...
17. Fall asleep in a hammock on the beach: zzzzzzzzzzzz...... I just love cat napping, however this time in style
18. Get waxed: Legs and all!!!!!!
19. Take a cake decorating course: I've always been so envious of girls who do this and do it well. I tried to decorate cupcakes I once made, but I'm not so good at it. I'd really like to learn.
20. Buy a right-hand ring: I want to buy myself a pretty diamond ring for my right hand (with matching earrings!)
21. Have kids or adopt: I've always wanted kids... clock is ticking :) hehe
22. Treat myself to a health spa: In today's fast moving world it is more important than ever to take care of ourselves, both mind and body. Treating yourself to a visit to a health spa and indulging in the many treatments on offer is not only relaxing, but healthy too. Take a mud bath for instance, rich in minerals, it is used to detoxify the body and ease the painful symptoms of rheumatism and arthritis. Exhilarating and rejuvenating, a visit to a health spa will make you feel half as old and twice as energetic
23. Sleep under the stars: Most people never dream of spending the night under the stars. Take a sleeping bag, even just for one night, and fall asleep watching the myriad of jewels above our heads. Imagine the distance and feel the awe of space and time.
24. Watch the sun set and rise: At least once in your life, you must take time out to watch the sunset. A reflective event drawing to a close a day never to be repeated. The last day of somebody's life and the first day of another's. A sunrise is a different matter altogether. Hear the birds singing, feel the crisp morning air, and appreciate the fact that you have another day to spend as you wish on this beautiful earth. For maximum effect, consider finding somewhere peaceful and secluded. Watching the sun set or rise over the rooftops of a city just isn't the same.
25. Go Naked: Let's clear one thing up from the start, there's nothing wrong with being naked! But anyway, I'll try stripping off somewhere a little more excluded like a quiet field or beach and for a short time feel totally liberated as I run in the fresh air as nature intended.
26. Drive a stunning car: ...that turns heads in the street, but not only drive the car - own the car!
27. Put a message in a bottle: and throw it out to the sea
28. Catch a fish: hook & all
29. Get a dog: this is a mission on it's own as it is lately so expensive to buy a dog from a breeder, I'll have to save up for a couple of months!
30. Quit my job: I just want to write the letter to my boss that I am giving notice...
New Years Blues
Hurrah 2008 has arrived, I spent a bucked load of money, ate lots of food and drank until I dropped. This only left me with new years blues. I came back to work today and just felt blah!!! It will take me more than a day and a half to shake it off...
Optimism about the new year? Nope, this only left me with anxiety. Behind the planned fireworks, champagne and beach party, the year 2008 is already taking a psychological toll on me.
December I started feeling an intensification of the sense that we're coming to the close of another year. The blues started. What have I done with my life? What is the meaning of life? Where do I go from here? A few curve balls were thrown at me the past year, but I did great. To be honest in 2007 I thought I would be rich, retired and sitting on a beach with my husband. How naive I was back then. I've been on a roller-coaster ride, but the prospects for 2008 are definitely looking better. January is possibly the worst month of the year for me as it is a major reality check. I realised that my body can't handle anymore alcohol and my bank account no longer wants to feed me cash from the ATM... my boyfriend (last 8 years) don't even want to get engaged and I'm back at work.
Apparently this happens at the close of every year. New Year's Eve is supposed to be an exciting, exhilarating experience of letting out the old and thinking of the new. But in reality that is not how it is. Things don't just go away.
At the root of those blues is the psychological whip of the holiday season - the expectations which is in absolute overdrive in anticipation of this year's blow-out... add to the specific and rather unusual focus of New Years Eve: myself. It's a time for introspection and reflections - for people like myself who aren't drunk.... (of course celebrations and alcohol goes hand in hand. My mother warned that if I'm feeling down it might be a good idea to go easy on the champagne. Alcohol is a depressant. It brings on depressing feelings and it has a lingering kind of impact on the depletion of energy. For someone who is depressed, alcohol is absolutely toxic. Instead of thinking about pain, they try to cover it up by taking action)
This is the time where it is particularly difficult for myself, my life is not perfect (although this might be a surprise to my friends). Society gives us the message that we should be happy, enjoying ourselves and taking stock. But my response is, I'm not happy, I'm taking stock and I'm miserable. And everyone else is happy?
Feelings as on 02 Jan 2008 - hopelessness, helplessness and isolation... the perfect combination or medium for depression to grow...
... my life up to this point and what lies ahead...
I'll try and use to control what lies ahead with resolutions... however I know that my resolutions are often carelessly made and seldom followed through on. The problem with my resolutions are the expectations - as I don't make realistic ones. I encourage goals, but setting resolutions tends to set you up to fail!
However, the positive thing about my resolutions are that they center on the assessment of where I am at and where I want to be - the setting of goals. Negative is, I tend to have this all or nothing idea of a resolution and if it doesn't work out there is a sense of failure...
This brings me to my 2008 resolutions (which I will list in a separate post) I will make them so simple, clear and immediately useful that I can't fail to achieve them... My resolutions will mean resolving to make a small improvement in my daily life.
New Year's Eve is a marker of time - both passed and to come. This might be the most emotionally troublesome aspect. Amongst the so-called booming economy, we have more poverty than ever before, tension, pain and heartache... that was supposed to have been cured. I'm supposed to be happy. But I feel empty. Now, it's all over and I have an even deeper sense of emptiness...
How do I overcome the January blues (as this is now longer just a New Years Eve blue!). I need the month of January to disappear just as fast as it has arrived. Working in a Shopping Mall - the retail shops tend to think we should go out and spend more money on their sales, although if they seen my bank account they wouldn't dare let me step over their front door... Retail therapy is definitely not going to work this month!
I think I'll just hibernate until the month of February, the month in which I will turn 27 and I still need a list of things to do before I turn 27!
Optimism about the new year? Nope, this only left me with anxiety. Behind the planned fireworks, champagne and beach party, the year 2008 is already taking a psychological toll on me.
December I started feeling an intensification of the sense that we're coming to the close of another year. The blues started. What have I done with my life? What is the meaning of life? Where do I go from here? A few curve balls were thrown at me the past year, but I did great. To be honest in 2007 I thought I would be rich, retired and sitting on a beach with my husband. How naive I was back then. I've been on a roller-coaster ride, but the prospects for 2008 are definitely looking better. January is possibly the worst month of the year for me as it is a major reality check. I realised that my body can't handle anymore alcohol and my bank account no longer wants to feed me cash from the ATM... my boyfriend (last 8 years) don't even want to get engaged and I'm back at work.
Apparently this happens at the close of every year. New Year's Eve is supposed to be an exciting, exhilarating experience of letting out the old and thinking of the new. But in reality that is not how it is. Things don't just go away.
At the root of those blues is the psychological whip of the holiday season - the expectations which is in absolute overdrive in anticipation of this year's blow-out... add to the specific and rather unusual focus of New Years Eve: myself. It's a time for introspection and reflections - for people like myself who aren't drunk.... (of course celebrations and alcohol goes hand in hand. My mother warned that if I'm feeling down it might be a good idea to go easy on the champagne. Alcohol is a depressant. It brings on depressing feelings and it has a lingering kind of impact on the depletion of energy. For someone who is depressed, alcohol is absolutely toxic. Instead of thinking about pain, they try to cover it up by taking action)
This is the time where it is particularly difficult for myself, my life is not perfect (although this might be a surprise to my friends). Society gives us the message that we should be happy, enjoying ourselves and taking stock. But my response is, I'm not happy, I'm taking stock and I'm miserable. And everyone else is happy?
Feelings as on 02 Jan 2008 - hopelessness, helplessness and isolation... the perfect combination or medium for depression to grow...
... my life up to this point and what lies ahead...
I'll try and use to control what lies ahead with resolutions... however I know that my resolutions are often carelessly made and seldom followed through on. The problem with my resolutions are the expectations - as I don't make realistic ones. I encourage goals, but setting resolutions tends to set you up to fail!
However, the positive thing about my resolutions are that they center on the assessment of where I am at and where I want to be - the setting of goals. Negative is, I tend to have this all or nothing idea of a resolution and if it doesn't work out there is a sense of failure...
This brings me to my 2008 resolutions (which I will list in a separate post) I will make them so simple, clear and immediately useful that I can't fail to achieve them... My resolutions will mean resolving to make a small improvement in my daily life.
New Year's Eve is a marker of time - both passed and to come. This might be the most emotionally troublesome aspect. Amongst the so-called booming economy, we have more poverty than ever before, tension, pain and heartache... that was supposed to have been cured. I'm supposed to be happy. But I feel empty. Now, it's all over and I have an even deeper sense of emptiness...
How do I overcome the January blues (as this is now longer just a New Years Eve blue!). I need the month of January to disappear just as fast as it has arrived. Working in a Shopping Mall - the retail shops tend to think we should go out and spend more money on their sales, although if they seen my bank account they wouldn't dare let me step over their front door... Retail therapy is definitely not going to work this month!
I think I'll just hibernate until the month of February, the month in which I will turn 27 and I still need a list of things to do before I turn 27!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Facts about myself
A couple of facts about myself & my favourite things
- my favourite song of all time is With or without you - U2
- I love ice cream
- I don't have any regrets
- I played netball & tennis in school
- degree in Financial Management
- I play the piano
- my favorite "hard liquor" is tequila
- I'm not at all self obsessed
- I love motivational speakers
- I love my jeans and wear them to work almost every day
- Sometimes I wish I was a porn star
- I hate arrogance
- I love the blue blue sky (colour of my eyes)
- I'm still trying to figure out the meaning of life
- I love Lacoste Pink perfume
- I love Woolworth's grocery store
- I still believe they eat snow in heaven
- I am a coffee addict
- I don't believe in ghosts
- I drive a Toyota
- I love chocolates
- I love my laptop!
- my dream job is CEO
- I believe a good life is attainable What is your favorite color?
- I count on myself and my classical moods music when I am feeling down
- I usually plan in advance
- Intelligence attracts me most
- I don't hold hands when I walk in public
- my perfect Sunday morning is sitting in bed with a cup of coffee reading the newspaper
- I love diamonds :)
- I'd love to drive a Jeep Cherokee
- Every Sunday night is milk & cookies night :)
- English is my 2nd language (so bear with me and the tenses!)
- my favourite song of all time is With or without you - U2
- I love ice cream
- I don't have any regrets
- I played netball & tennis in school
- degree in Financial Management
- I play the piano
- my favorite "hard liquor" is tequila
- I'm not at all self obsessed
- I love motivational speakers
- I love my jeans and wear them to work almost every day
- Sometimes I wish I was a porn star
- I hate arrogance
- I love the blue blue sky (colour of my eyes)
- I'm still trying to figure out the meaning of life
- I love Lacoste Pink perfume
- I love Woolworth's grocery store
- I still believe they eat snow in heaven
- I am a coffee addict
- I don't believe in ghosts
- I drive a Toyota
- I love chocolates
- I love my laptop!
- my dream job is CEO
- I believe a good life is attainable What is your favorite color?
- I count on myself and my classical moods music when I am feeling down
- I usually plan in advance
- Intelligence attracts me most
- I don't hold hands when I walk in public
- my perfect Sunday morning is sitting in bed with a cup of coffee reading the newspaper
- I love diamonds :)
- I'd love to drive a Jeep Cherokee
- Every Sunday night is milk & cookies night :)
- English is my 2nd language (so bear with me and the tenses!)
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